Career or Kids?

This question sounds funny to me. But what is not funny at all is the fact that many young professional women keep asking it.

Let's start from the beginning. Have you ever heard about a man who is debating with himself about having kids or having career? Right, I haven't either. And no, I am not a feminist, I love men and spent most of my female adult life being married :-) But it is a fact of life that only women have this dilemma. Why? I think it goes back centuries ago when social/economical/emotional environment did not support women working. Not to mention that producing many kids was a necessity due to high level of children mortality. But life has changed, hasn't it? So why many of us are dealing with this dilemma today?

As a mother of two adult kids and a professional who has some career achievements, I certainly believe that both are possible. However, let's not fool ourselves and face the reality. Today statistics shows that still more than 50% of women decide to have kids before the age of 30. At the same time this age is still a rather early phase of our career progression. Thus, we have to work really hard to make both dimensions of our life be successful. This is a period of life that requires a lot of effort with minimal time to sleep. And yes, it is difficult. So each of us has to decide WHY do I want it. Or DO I want it.

First of all, my deep belief is that in any event a woman should have kids only if she really-really wants them. Because even then it’s a very difficult and long exercise. Of course, it may be very rewarding too, but there are many cases when it’s not. I know it’s not “popular opinion” but this fact does not make it non-existant.

There are advantages of being focused on your family and kids instead of being focused on both: that part plus your professional growth. Your life will be more or less predictable for some time, you will have more free time, you will need to put less effort into reading/learning etc. Do you really want me to talk about disadvantages???

OK, I will mention one which is obvious. Kids have a tendency to grow up. And becoming a bit judgemental. At teenage age they question everything and anything around them. They will question you too, trust me. To me personally it was very important to have a meaningful debate with my kids and be able to fend of their arguments (or very often no reasonable arguments at all). For that you need to have a rather broad horizon and here is where all your self-development efforts materialize into practical reality.

To summarize I would insist that being a mother and a high-class professional is very possible but very difficult. Just one example – every time I left for business trips, one of my kids got sick. I don’t know how is it possible, but that’s how it was for me for many years. In case you decide to go that “both ways” road, be prepared to work hard, sleep a little, cry a lot and then eventually in many years feel great and fly high!